Feeding Tubes

We left Birmingham City Children's Hospital with Harry being fed from a feeding tube. This meant carrying around a little black ruck sack with a pump and feed. Being in the hospital cushioned us from the stares that we would got when we left.

His tube was taped to his nose and it only seemed to highlight that there was something wrong with him. When Harry was first born we would notice people staring or taking the second glance over the shoulder as they walked past. It really bothered me that people wouldn't have the courage to come and ask or even stop to speak. The feeding tube seemed to make them stare even more.
We found the older generation alot more positive about the situation we were in. Often the first thing people would say was oh dear whens his operation. I think sometimes they forgot that this was our son, my little baby and it really made me angry when people reacted in that way.He was beautiful but sometimes it felt like our family were the only ones who could see past his cleft.

We had remained adamant that Harry would never have a feeding tube but after a few days it became as normal as making milk for our daughter apart from Harry's feeds were continuous. We were so scared about Harry pulling his tube out, and as we would find out it wasn't as simple as just turning up to hospital to put it back in. Harry was fed via an NJ tube which meant it had to be put in under xray.
My wife and I were so over protective, scared to let him use his hands in case he managed to grip it. But the inevitable happened, I was at work and my wife phoned to tell me that he had some how pulled it out completely!. She had arranged care for our daughter with her mom and we rushed him back in.
It took 26 hours to get him a slot in xray with a specialist. It seemed like an eternity, I stayed with him over night watched him squirm and scream, It was awful so see him staring at me wanting me to feed him but all i could do was cuddle him. The next day they took him down to have the tube placed, this time my wife went with him. I think sometimes we all find strength that we don't know is there and she certainly did that day.
It really makes me appreciate how strong my wife is because there have been times that without her I wouldn't have been able to cope. We did argue but more often than not tiredness and frustration were the real issues but we were always there for one another. I think that was the key to getting through the first couple of months. We had that much thrown at us it felt like it would never end but together we managed to over come.

 I felt sometimes like everything became so much of a weight I couldn't cope.Writing this has made me open up more than I have before, I think men generally are reluctant to share there emotions. I hope that those that read this realise that the feelings and thoughts going through there minds are normal. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!